Tag: coronavirus

The Pandemic’s New Normal

It’s kinda jaw-dropping to think back over the past few months. Things that were a year or two ago feel so far away and so foreign that it almost feels like another life–someone else’s life. It’s so odd to look back and see that I called Covid an epidemic in my last post. I was so hopeful for things to be over soon, yet we’ve now gone through two more huge waves with this thing, each one unimaginably larger and worse than the last. Similarly, it’s bizarre to know I last posted while on the cusp of shifting attitudes about life, the virus, and politics. The darkness I was starting to see didn’t scratch the surface of where it all went. As much as I thought I was going to write about life and experiences during the pandemic, I couldn’t bring myself to do so. I didn’t want to be fake and only talk about the positive, and I didn’t want to talk about all the darkness of this world.

I figured I’d be sitting down tonight to write all the details of things that have happened since I last wrote–both with myself and in the world around me. Now that I’m at the computer, that seems pointless and trite. Most everyone I know has experienced the full gamut of emotions and frustrations. Life seems to both be racing forward and leaving us behind as we tend to cling to what “should” be going on right now. In this new normal, milestones and moments aren’t happening as imagined. It feels like nothing will ever be “normal” again. Way too many people seem to be what used to be the fringe–selfish, thoughtless, mean, & heartless. We the people are allowing entertainers (people making money off “clicks” or “views”) to fill us with lies, and we’re ripping ourselves apart. All the while, the majority (I have to hope and believe that is still true) are trying to do the right things and are so saddened by the state of things in our country.

I hope and pray with all of my being that this time I’m writing on the cusp again–on the cusp of renewal, healing, and positivity everywhere. I’ve recently taken a (nearly) month-long break from all social media. It wasn’t to protest anyone or anything. It was to join my church in an annual “fasting” to remove something that tends to be important to me and replace it with some soul-nourishing time. I was all set to join my small group of ladies in fasting (everyone chose whatever they needed fasting from) and in studying the book of Proverbs together. Ironically, the app we were using had you connect with friends via Facebook and my friend request never connected for some reason. I wasn’t going to break my own promise even to “just” go on FB to try and figure it out. I decided to just go it alone.

I enjoy several social media platforms, mainly for the fun and connection with people I can’t see very often (including my college kids). In a time where I see very few people, this was an especially big sacrifice. I knew it would be hard, but I had no idea how hard it would actually be. I walked away on the evening of January 10th and was supposed to return on February 1st. Problem was, I didn’t quite finish the whole book, so I decided I wouldn’t get back on until the reading was done. There have been moments where I’ve wanted to give up. I’ve missed the connections (and the Bernie memes!) and at moments the reading left me frustrated. I’m stubborn though, so I doubled down.

From my reading, I learned to be patient with the repetitiveness of Proverbs. I’ve read the Bible through before, so none of it’s new, which makes it even harder to focus on and not gloss through. Some moments the reading was frustrating (like, did I just read the same chapter twice or are they just copying/pasting phrases all over the place?). Other moments the reading was annoying (like, I don’t need to know about the adulterous woman–that’s not me). But then I settled down. I started pondering a little deeper, like why are we harping on wisdom? (It has to be mentioned 50 or more times in those 31 little chapters.) Desiring wisdom seems like common sense to me, but then I apply that thought to the world around me and see that it clearly isn’t common sense. So I understand it’s harped on because it’s so essential. Even with the adulterous woman, I can see the comparison to so many other things where “persuasiveness can lead you astray”. (I might could write a whole political paper on that one phrase.) I got to the end and loved the “Wife of a Noble Character”. I relate to a few parts of her (not just because she wears purple). I wish I were more like her and it gives me a reminder to strive towards more. My reading reminded me of the importance of humility, grace, kindness, giving, and striving towards wisdom. Bigger than all that, I realized that Jesus’ words were there way back in the Old Testament, spelled out through so many of the sayings in Proverbs–Love your neighbor as yourself. It sounds so simple until you think about how much you love yourself. I move forward working to do better with that simple, yet incredibly difficult, ideal.

As to this crazy world we’re living in right now, I can’t predict what’s next. I hope that people will follow the words of our current President (whether they like him or not) and work towards coming together. Our country can do such great things when we come together. I hope that this virus subsides into something more manageable and less deadly. I hope that we get to see great innovations come out of this historic time period. I hope that our country makes strides towards a place where all are treated equally and anyone wanting to work a full time job can do so–and can live off of that wage. Lofty hopes, I know.

Me personally? I’m so blessed and thankful right now. We’re okay on the big life stuff. I would love to see Alex sing again in person, and I want him to make this summer’s trip to Norway. I would love to see Lizzy play again in person, and I’d like her to get some normal college class interactions. I would love to see Brandon play again in person, and I want to take him on a college tour trip, like I did with the others. I want to be able to go out to a normal dinner with my hubby. I want to go on a trip with my fam, whether it’s the west coast trip we had planned or something else. I want to see all my other family without all the complicated pandemic “feelings”. Most of all, I still want lots of warm hugs.

Love all of you that support my nonsense (and my sanity) by encouraging me to write!

How I came to Know Coronavirus

I don’t remember the exact day I heard the term Coronavirus, but I certainly didn’t know it was soon to be largest phenomena I would witness in my lifetime. I do remember where I heard it…at work one day when I referenced my upcoming cruise with The Angels. The sweetest lady I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing, and the joy of working with, told me I shouldn’t go on that cruise because I could catch Coronavirus. I didn’t know what she was talking about at first because when she’s catching up on the news, I’m busy with all the activities that come to a mom with busy teenagers. Not complaining or nothin’, that’s just where we both are in our lives. So I look up some news, see it’s all about China, and decide it doesn’t matter since I’m not going on a cruise that connects to China.

As the time for my cruise draws closer (set for President’s Day week), I hear a little more hear and there, and I hear the change from “not transmissible human-to-human” to “well, it looks like human transmission is possible”. But it’s still all about China.  So, meh.

Then I start hearing about some cruise ship floating around with infected people.  “Quarantine” and “Isolation” become words discussed in social groups now. Talk is swirling of other countries, other than China, having cases of Coronavirus. My sweet office lady is telling me daily not to go on the cruise. Other people are starting to say,  “Are you still going?”, “Make sure to wash your hands!”, and other panicky things…some in a joking manner and some in a serious manner.

*Side Note – I was also worried about this cruise because I’ve had increasing issues with motion sickness over the past five years. I went prepared with two kinds of motion sickness meds, pressure bands, ginger candy, and lots of hope. I’ve described lots of details about the actual cruise on my social media, so I won’t go into that here.

So fast forward toward the end of my cruise. I try making the most of this last sea-day (the least fave day for someone with motion sickness).  I sleep in a little, read my book and eat a leisurely breakfast while watching the sun tick across the line of the ocean. I go to the tucked away jewel on the top deck at the front of the ship (queue Titanic music here, LOL) where very few people are around, so it’s quiet and tranquil on an otherwise busy ship. I lay with the warm sun on my face and the wind whipping in my hair and I take solace in the sensory overload experience that somehow pushes down the motion sickness feelings temporarily. I go straight to the Lincoln Center meet & greet and stay for a beautiful chamber orchestra performance with a French theme. From there it’s tea time with my Angels, then a trip to the spa (heated stone lounge chairs with a view of the ocean–Heavenly!), then ready for another gala night dinner. After dinner, I dash down to enjoy another Lincoln Center chamber performance–this time Schumann. I’m leaving it a little early to meet the girls for the big evening entertainment, and when I get up I feel slightly weak. (I figure I’ve actually been pretty active this week, so maybe my lazy ass was tired.) As I get to the other end of the ship to meet my friends, I start coughing. (I chalk it up to allergies, as I have so many allergies that I’m used to a cough showing up somewhere on a trip away from home.) I start feeling out of it during the evening entertainment–so much so that I still don’t recall much about the performance; it was a variety act with several of the groups from earlier in the week (a dance troupe and a comedian, I think). We get up to go play group Scattergories, and I feel totally worn out. I sit with the group and play the game, but I feel like I’m in a fog. I head straight to bed feeling chilled and weak. I don’t sleep well as I can’t get warm enough and I can’t stop coughing (on top of the motion sickness being the worse at night). We get up early for the day I looked most forward to — a cabana and snorkeling in the Bahamas — and I feel like I was beat up all night. I try to eat breakfast but I don’t feel like eating and everything seems to make me cough. I tell the group I’m going to lay back down for awhile and then join them. I don’t lay there more than 15 minutes before I realize something is very wrong and I need to go to medical.

Well, medical is a joke. They’re open very limited hours (four hours total that day) and there seems to be one nurse and one doctor, and a waiting room with quite a few people. I tell them I’m certain I have a fever, and I’m coughing into my elbow the whole time. I ask if they have a mask and they say I’ll get one later if I’m deemed to need one. There’s no hand sanitizer at the counter or in the waiting area. There are lots of other things that are done wrong that I’m not going to get bogged down into. The doctor swabs me for the flu, turns around and does something on the counter, and turns back to me and says “You have the flu.”

Mind you, I was in there weak and running, as it turns out, a 103 temperature. I don’t realize until many days later that there’s no way she ran a flu test in that time.

I go through an ordeal for the last 24 hours of my cruise. At this moment, I cannot relive those hours. I know that sounds dramatic but it is what it is. I thought I was going to die on that boat that night. At the time I knew they were doing some of this quarantine stuff poorly. Now I know they were doing all of it wrong, as I’ve learned a lot about quarantines here lately.

By the strength of God, I was able to put on my purse and backpack, and roll a suitcase off that ship. Travel that day and next is a blur. My sweet friends got me through FL and into GA, but they had to stop overnight. Every rest stop and the hotel got me plenty of fearful and/or angry “looks” with my medical mask. I finally got home and I kept everyone (okay, everyone except Thom) at bay but talked a little about my trip. I went to bed early, and then I broke.

I was still fighting a fever and unbelievably weak and felt like I was looking out at life while in a black hole.  I felt the intensity of the ship rocking during a storm, even though my feet had been on land for days. I don’t know if it was the illness or the Tamiflu or the fact that they had given me cough medicine with Guaifenesin as one of the many ingredients (and that I’m allergic to). All I know is that I couldn’t stop rocking my body (trying to counteract the land motion sickness)…I couldn’t stop crying…I couldn’t get the darkness out of my mind and my body.

Despite having a flu shot and despite taking Tamiflu within about 14 hours of symptom onset, I wasn’t fever-free (without the help of meds) until Tuesday, and I started getting sick Thursday. That’s six days of really sick even though having the flu shot is supposed to minimize the duration of the flu (if it doesn’t protect you entirely). That’s six days of misery even with the Tamiflu (which is also supposed to shorten the duration also). It seems like this virus ran its course regardless of the vaccine and antiviral meds.

People started joking with me that I actually had Coronavirus. Then some people seemed serious once they heard how things went down. My roommate from the cruise came down sick two or three days after me, but then she tested negative for the flu. They treated her like it was the flu though, and she had the same weird oppressive depression as me. Well if I had the flu and she got it from me, then she should’ve had a positive flu test. And her timing of illness (and it being the same kind of illness) seems to point very strongly to her getting whatever it was from me. So, of course I’ll never know, but I have to wonder if I actually had Coronavirus. And thus becomes the moment when this thing become close and personal to me.